Engagement

Retched, torn
Rend heart from base
Drive in the news to my aorta
Ring on her finger-out of my
Life, leave me now
Left long before, finalize
The direction we have taken
Believe now, understand, awaken
Lustful breath toward the
Ceremony where you take her
Hand, take my heart
Adorn hers, crush mine
Canker my wishes of us whittled
To friendship I pine
Cancer of the love I have for you
Your response dies as it grows
Pipedream where we are what
We were
Invite your future life with an
Invitation to me
Please
July 25, 2001

Forced Poetry

Arcane glimpse of future
Without present pain
I hid it all away. First physical remnants of hope, memory
Then memories of memory and hopes of hope
You returned. Eyes smirking, see through every inch of me
The me who changed returned. Eyes watering with recognition
New, old emotion with hi. Search smirking eyes for more
Than conquest. Chicks on the weekends. Me.
You force me into poetry. Succinct words to mask garbled
Considerations.

I told you about it when we walked to the car.
I only write unhappily.
July 23, 2001

Shower

I remove my underwear
Step into the bathtub without
Turning on the water
Pass judgment on the grout
And cracked ceiling tiles
Showered in remorse, suds
My hair with memories
Your touch washes over my
Thigh and I wonder what
You ponder -- do you sit in
Your bath curling your
Toes around the faucet?
Thinking of me? Caress
The waxiness of soap bar
In the tray with my knee
The rubber band entangling
My hair caught by my
Fingers, pull, loosen my
Mind, loosen my grip on
The porcelain to slide down
Toes on the faucet until
Cold water begins to cover
My body -- wash you away.
May 29, 2001

Satisfied

Peripheral vision shrivels each time
I look at you
Appreciate the paucity of longing
For another
And beat my fists against no
Further doors
Paperbag syndrome for no one
But you
Prefer you without it anyway
To overlook and undress
For you
To downplay and upbraid
Your insecurities
Secure
Happy
As I'll ever be
May 24, 2001

I do

Flawed, like the half carat he nudged toward me
In the restaurant across town
And blistered like the woman's collagen-swollen lips
At the salon that painted my nails
With a French manicure and fake expense,
I found my future.
My dress from Penny's where I splurged on plastic pearls
For my hungry neck.
I'll walk down the aisle to him,
The cheapest example of true love.
May 21, 2001

Operation

Yesterday she made an incision
Under the soft breast tissue, between two
Slight ribs, into the aorta
Twisted it there to experience the searing
Anxiety with the rush of blood loss and power
Accepted the pain like tattoos with
Satisfaction and blood that must be wiped away.
Piercings rarely bled gratifying her less
Like the men who approach her frailty with
expectation

She was a child who spun on the playground
Arms outstretched grasping for the wind,
Eyes wide to the clouds, ignoring the dizziness
To appreciate the same utopian euphoria she
Finds in Extasy on her chipboard dresser or
Ecstasy of a man's desire on her bedroom rug
Beneath the sweating body of her latest fuck

No further than the freefall to the playground
From the lurching empty swing. Once in a while
These things all make you bleed. She might
Drink her blood or her next-door neighbor's if
Her stomach was not so weak. A vampiress
To the core with scalpel and happy childhood
Memory of natural highs long lost like natural
Eye color or given name.
April 25, 2001

Caged

You gnaw away everything valuable to me
Thoughts, possessions, borrowed items
I don't regret you
You value my constancy and provisions
I welcome your brief warmth
April 22, 2001