First Date

Far more interesting than my homeless heart
I'll meet you tomorrow night
I hope I like you
We'll listen to jazz
and dance with your arm around my waist
and your hand on my hip
wispering the lyrics in my ear
murmuring painful memories one day because you trust me
I hope it is not overcast
the moon will spill on us through your windshield
We'll watch star-beams on the tall grass of the field
Far more interesting than a normal monday night
Your fingers and the leaf-rustling breeze in my hair
phone call to ask my thoughts at 3:00 am on Thursday
Intriguing high hopes for the first meeting
Far more interesting than my last blind date
April 12, 1999

Convincing Lie

I don't care that you asked her
It doesn't matter that you only kiss me drunkenly
I don't mind the days I don't talk to you
Your roommate's presence doesn't bother me
I am not affected by your voice when you apologize
Your opinion is not important
I don't miss your attitude
Your arms don't feel perfect around my sleeping body
I don't believe what you tell me
I refuse to wear lipstick for you
I never wait for your call
I don't have feelings for you
April 12, 1999

A New World

I wish I was getting closer to fine
I once thought the shattering glass was vapor
searching for a wormhole in space
that connects the flashes of dimension
that contort and stifle my vision
My blood vessels seem shockingly vessels
carrying odd cargo
Would I know if I have dimples?
Shave my head, paint my face clown-like
laugh at me

Throw me on the couch, watch me writhe
I'll blow bubbles with my magic wand
they shatter on the concrete driveway
I thought I filled them full of worlds and galaxies
I guess they shatter too then
Call me a cab and I'll go next door
unbutton my cardigan and I'll kiss your lips firmly
I'll carve a design in my thigh to commemorate us
The headlights selectively blind me; I am still able to see the warm stain on the pavement
I laid out my black pants and tank-top for
the perfect memorable evening
or maybe another blind date
or a one-night stand
I'm growing found of my yuppie ghetto
And- oh God- I broke another nail
These things began before most of them got off the schoolbus
April 12, 1999

Sleepless

I've become dependent on drugs because of this chinese water torture
There is a constant drip from the faucet and a leak in the ceiling
I stay awake at night fighting uncomfortable stillness as not to wake him
He doesn't believe in insomnia and rarely believes in me
The plunk continuous in the bottom of the bucket draws my mind from his scrutiny though
As I lay motionless, his arms stifle my movement
As I ponder calculus homework, his eyes stifle my thought
The falling water drops keep me company less selfishly than him
I look forward to a glass of water, two capsules and the familiar drip
I long for sleep that will not visit my body because of racing thought and his grip
He keeps the apartment cold so I am dependent on his warmth
Maybe he knows that my dependence goes no further than the drugs when he rolls over
Away from his problems, away from his fears, away from the faucet, away from me
April 12, 1999