Relief

Morbid, I ache
and still I feign peace
Widow of Hunger
my plight for perfection
distant presence to my heart
yet not my strength, or mind
yearns, gaging my will, but
I will wait, I will provide
myself answers
though still I wonder
certain I will not convince;
But you must. When again
joining my presence, no longer
distant. Truths your heart
tells mine openly. Intriguing
deeper questions from...
Aug 25, 1998

Goodbye.

my body feels this strange warmth right now...
the kind you feel when you know someone is staring at you
even though i know you aren't behind me
this calm has come over me
as if i could burst and everything would just gush out
but maybe that can't happen without an audience...
why would one cry except because someone is watching?
that's how i feel sometimes...
as if it would be a waste to show emotion
to no one
i think i'm sinking into the cushion of my chair
i can't feel anything around me anymore except this chair
and my heartbeat
detached and restless, not like this calm cradling me
i hope i break simply to wash you away
dammit. why don't i want to release you?
this is my dead end where you left me
Aug 21, 1998

How Could You Ask Me That?

i just woke up to the smell of you
although i found nothing with your scent
it haunts my nights because i wish
i was holding you

despite the fact that it is 3:29 am
and exhaustion is fighting my senses,
it is overcome by thoughts of tomorrow,
missing you, the empty room down the hall,
and your warm lips

seeing you was my reason to get out
of bed every morning
and this morning, i am afraid because
waking up will mean you are leaving me

strange how i dread the very hour i look
forward to because i will hold you again
knowing it is closer to the end
i pray that it is also a beginning

you have been so much more to me than
a boyfriend or lover or soulmate
you have become my best friend
and i will always love you for that as much
or more than i love you because you are part of me

i don't know how to say goodbye to you
i don't believe (or don't want to believe)
that it will be goodbye, but rather,
a physical separation that cannot keep me from your warmth.

your song touched me much like all of your songs do
and much like your fingertips and lips do
thank you for us-- what we were and what we will be
i will never forget, i will never regret, and i will
never lose that piece of you
Aug 14, 1998