Destinations

Road leading nowhere
Comes from nothing
never ending, without beginning
the journey onward goes.
Suddenly something's changing
You are near-- holding my wonder dear
And I wander-- not away but closer
expecting nothing, but wanting all
the ties unbinding as slowly I fall
I realize your presence and long for your warmth
I know where I'm falling-- still to scared to admit
Your jumbled thoughts poured out on paper
awkwardly I sit-- and what do you fear?
We're falling together, yet is that how we'll land?
Seems like forever, do you understand?
I think all the time, my heart longs for you.
And what do I say? That confusion's fun...
But I wonder all the time-- are you the one?
Already knowing the answer
Still from each other we run
Stop holding back, I can't let my self free
the past has padlocked my heart
my only dream is that you hold the key.
Oct. 29, 1995

Lovely

my thoughts for you are chaos
my heart believes them more than any truth
the nonsense that fills my head
aching skull from memory loss
emptiness of my brain- just short of insane
and i love it
I'm reaching for my multi-colored recollections
floating in too many directions
knowing i'll lose some forever- wondering if i'll miss them
oh stars please tell me i'll never- have to miss you
but i already do
I'm waiting for my spirit to crush my soul
the weight of your purpose equaling my goal
while we anticipate, pre-meditate
is it your intention to procrastinate?
i refuse to blame fate
this ringing in my ears, now one else hears
penetrating my heart, complicating my mind
i'm not complaining, simply explaining
i'm only sorry it doesn't make sense
it's just too immense
within my understanding i linger
wanting to leave its safety- like dense fog
in the darkness i grope, suddenly grasping your fingers
into the sunlight you pull me near
i long forever to stay right here
Oct. 29, 1995

Music

I was lost. Hopelessly
lost. The forest in the setting sun
had looked beautiful and
colorful.
The leaves falling and rustling
orange, yellow and red.
But night had fallen fast, and
now in the moonless night
I couldn't make out my
surroundings. I was sure
I had been stumbling and groping
about for an eternity, but
it was suddenly apparent to me
that the trees and foliage
I had been encountering
were no longer inhibiting my
path.

I concluded that I wasn't in a forest
but an open field. The overcast sky
could not aid my vision. Then,
in the distance, I saw it: a small flame,
a flicker!
In my excitement
I ran toward it stumbling. Now
I heard something, a low
moan, but it was rhythmic, almost
melodious.


I stopped-- listening, watching. The light
was a fire. I crept closer, my eyes
intent upon the flame.
Then I noticed the shadows
dancing about me. I was not close
enough to see that these
shadows were made by stone columns
connected at the top by another stone
slab.


These were fixed in a circle around the
fire. The moaning had gotten
much louder and I looked around. Opposite
me, across the fire was a forest, that
is where the sound came from.
Then a figure emerged, then another
and yet another. I hid behind a pillar
to observe. Slowly a procession of robed
and hooded men entered the circle, four
of them carrying a large ragged
bundle.

As they chanted they
lifted it, higher, higher
over the fire. The chanting
stopped suddenly as they released it and
it caught the flame. Then the odor
hit me. Like
nothing I have ever smelled.
It made me ill. I started to gag. Then
a hooded man turned
toward me.
Even though I was fully in shadow
I felt he was looking right at me. Then I saw
his eyes--
red, glowing.
Those eyes sent a tremor of terror
through me.

I
was
suddenly
running, stumbling,
groping and then falling. My
head hit a hard, sharp object and all was
black.

1995

Broken

look in the mirror
don't know who i see
wish i could reach her
and let her go free
wrapped in her own world
away from the rest
hoping for someone
seeking the best
someone threw a stone
aimed straight at her heart
it shattered my mirror
and tore us apart
Oct. 20, 1995