We massed at the sliding glass doors
Careful to remain still – lest they spring open
Letting in the torrents of dust
The sheets of water felt like an
Event for me
Like welcoming home a new baby from
The hospital
The wind wailing, I expected Toto any second
July 4, 2003
Friday, July 4, 2003
Rendezvous
I followed his car with inappropriate intentions
My thoughts glaringly obvious
Lustful like an emotional recitation
He no longer takes my breath away,
He knocks the wind out of me
One rendezvous at a time
July 4, 2003
My thoughts glaringly obvious
Lustful like an emotional recitation
He no longer takes my breath away,
He knocks the wind out of me
One rendezvous at a time
July 4, 2003
To Flip Through the Pages of Vogue
This life is almost entirely fictitious
We all hang in a delicate balance
My sweater is too loose,
Her lips to thin
It all bucks and arches to the point of panic
Don’t make me secrete more information
Than you can handle
Blessed be those who hear
Aim to be one who sees
Because my sight extends beyond
Silicone and Botox and collagen
A straight razor to the wrist
Might do some more good, but not you
I’ve started to consider a cattle prod
In the face to wake Them all up
As though you attached a lightening rod
To bring good graces your way
All I feel is the electric current
Of voyeuristic absence
You pushed so hard for that big break
I turned down indecent proposals,
Although you urged me
To use Them for us, for US
But I loved you too much
We’ll never get discovered in this
Sickly violet fluorescent light
My suit rumpled, baggy
And yours suggestively tight
“We could be better than this”
she yawns, obstinate, pouting ineffectively
her lips like thin pink ribbons
glossed to perfection, devoid of injection
I gathered her in my arms and pressed those
Lips with a freshly manicured index finger
A tear and a cheek and we felt we had failed
Already, at 18
Why not let go the hold on imagined perfection
Let our lips press gently, hold each other all night?
Because
If I am not enough for all of Them
How can I fill you?
I grew up with the sense that my
Future was like my breasts
Small, taut, so full of possibility with
Maturity that never developed
Her erratic breathing each night
Spurred thoughts that my life
Was more greatly in need of augmentation
And she clung to me
Both in passionate, fingernailed embrace
And in searching silence on the train
As if she believed me her lucky charm,
My smile of approval her salvation
Our successes inevitable,
If I merely said so.
One night in April I left her
Helpless, erratic in our bed
Sought one of Them out, undressed,
Climaxed, and left my
Comp card conspicuously, hauntingly
Beside him on the pillow
I let her believe he had discovered me
While walking in the park
A fluke, good fortune
And it was – for us, for US
Augmented life bounced forth a
Cleavage of deceit, They were all the
Same, I used each of Them while
Keeping her clear in my mind –
Remember? I could see.
The future, our future, her hips, the
Light on her shoulders, nipples
She and I in this together
She profited inexplicably, trustingly
I could completely forget each of Them
Beneath me
Bright futures, bright eyes, thick lips
And big tits
You and I, a spread in Glamour, plastic,
Airbrushed, fictitious
Just as our lives had become.
July 4, 2003
We all hang in a delicate balance
My sweater is too loose,
Her lips to thin
It all bucks and arches to the point of panic
Don’t make me secrete more information
Than you can handle
Blessed be those who hear
Aim to be one who sees
Because my sight extends beyond
Silicone and Botox and collagen
A straight razor to the wrist
Might do some more good, but not you
I’ve started to consider a cattle prod
In the face to wake Them all up
As though you attached a lightening rod
To bring good graces your way
All I feel is the electric current
Of voyeuristic absence
You pushed so hard for that big break
I turned down indecent proposals,
Although you urged me
To use Them for us, for US
But I loved you too much
We’ll never get discovered in this
Sickly violet fluorescent light
My suit rumpled, baggy
And yours suggestively tight
“We could be better than this”
she yawns, obstinate, pouting ineffectively
her lips like thin pink ribbons
glossed to perfection, devoid of injection
I gathered her in my arms and pressed those
Lips with a freshly manicured index finger
A tear and a cheek and we felt we had failed
Already, at 18
Why not let go the hold on imagined perfection
Let our lips press gently, hold each other all night?
Because
If I am not enough for all of Them
How can I fill you?
I grew up with the sense that my
Future was like my breasts
Small, taut, so full of possibility with
Maturity that never developed
Her erratic breathing each night
Spurred thoughts that my life
Was more greatly in need of augmentation
And she clung to me
Both in passionate, fingernailed embrace
And in searching silence on the train
As if she believed me her lucky charm,
My smile of approval her salvation
Our successes inevitable,
If I merely said so.
One night in April I left her
Helpless, erratic in our bed
Sought one of Them out, undressed,
Climaxed, and left my
Comp card conspicuously, hauntingly
Beside him on the pillow
I let her believe he had discovered me
While walking in the park
A fluke, good fortune
And it was – for us, for US
Augmented life bounced forth a
Cleavage of deceit, They were all the
Same, I used each of Them while
Keeping her clear in my mind –
Remember? I could see.
The future, our future, her hips, the
Light on her shoulders, nipples
She and I in this together
She profited inexplicably, trustingly
I could completely forget each of Them
Beneath me
Bright futures, bright eyes, thick lips
And big tits
You and I, a spread in Glamour, plastic,
Airbrushed, fictitious
Just as our lives had become.
July 4, 2003
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