One too many dirty dishcloths

Life.  Hard.  Harder.  Endure.
Fight, worry about money, worry about closing, losing.
Health, effect, effect on you, on me, on him, on us.
Rarely as a family.
Which bills to pay.
Fear of disappointing owing legal accounting tax employees opportunities at
Late nights - job, business, constant lack of sleep.

Grieving, but never really grieving.

It could be
Lack of exercise   Lack of personal happiness.  Negative self image.  Hormonal imbalance.
Too much work, too much work, too much work.
Dirty clothes,
dirty dishes,
dirty dishcloths, coats, aprons.

Dirty mouth.
"Stop."  A four letter word.  A dirty one.

Deteriorating relationships, confidence, motivation.
Our ticket to success or complete ruin.  One or the other.
When will it change...  When will it end...

No light at the end of the tunnel.
Just an endless tunnel.
Deeper and deeper into the depths.
My canary is about to die.

Cat Piss

My dad is like
our beloved lime tree
that died last year

ready to do wonderful things
it had always planned to do
was meant to do
build things -
limes or furniture -
does the output really matter?

a flower for the first time
one year earlier

a completed children's story
submitted to publishers

none of it matters when
you're dead
unless someone else
carries on

i guess cat piss isn't
the best analogy for
cancer
but then again
maybe it is

Fixed Food License

investors, and build outs and late nights, oh my!
reality still feels unreal, like someone i'll never see again

health inspections and construction and r&d for products
itching for it to be over before it even begins

investment in futures
our children's futures
dreamed big but rarely
now's the time

and this is our one chance.
failure is not an option.
go big or go home.
insert cliche here.

i sit here
stare at the monitor
watch his little fingers move
think about the day

take him on trips
add a playroom
visit the arcadia house we build
send him to study abroad
pay for his college
encourage his many endeavors

and, eventually,
teach him about our business.

10 days
we'll know
not how big or how successful
IF it works, HOW it works
an idea what our lives will be

of course i'm scared
weekends tied to the business
no more family time
making ends meet
liability and reputation
employees to trust with our livelihood
levels of stress
amounts in bank accounts

scared of no net, no break, no backup plan.

but i'm excited.