Youth

Too early
Maybe not long enough for you.
Time passes, but discollaborated and weak,
I miss your presence,
much like her.

Is it her? Or the date?
or me?
I hope I cannot blame the latter.
although it probably will never matter.
I'm letting go of dreams I had hoped to gather,
I know I must.

Soon I will be old,
often the cause of change.
My heart is slowly growing cold;
I don't want to let go...
I will be aware of the world;
I hope also of you.

Innocence is fresh for you;
I'm remembering and reenacting.
My beliefs and hopes are true,
although futile.

Faded, inaccurate images of union
draw my attention to the door.
Incomplete emotions
fall to the floor.

I'm holding the memory close to my existence
although you are only a part of the memory now.
Importance depends upon the instance,
and you instantly touched my soul...
June 31, 1998

People Watching

a job with nothing to do
mind racing trying to
think of something to
occupy time
leaving-pretending to
go somewhere important
to waste away an hour
or more
dinner break will be
a long one
maybe i'll also leave
early
but what will mom
think if i'm home?
hidden behind a large
display so I am
not on display again
like last time
like every time at
a job with nothing to do
a rainy day when hair
is important
getting a chair so my
legs will not ache so
praying that an hour
will fade quickly
writing to get rid of
more time at
a job with nothing to do
talk to the good-looking
man who works at the
store in the office-
the one i asked for the chair
cardboard surrounding me
a setup with a girl much more
beautiful than i-
and better hair
talking to scary workers
and old men
and young guys
who tell me she has better hair,
but i'm beautiful
and i'm working too
hard because i'm at
a job with nothing to do
someone save me from the
stockboy! maybe i
have become snobby
modeling (even if it is pro-mo)
scared of these people
with stupid comments
"are you giving manicures today?"
thinking that they should
leave please go away
only old women- do they
use pantene?
one woman with an elder-fro
asking if i sell anything made for white hair
sure i do
i'll go find it because i'm working at
a job with nothing to do
1998