Superstitious Suffocation

Everyday I watched you while
Rubbing frost off a bus window
Strained to make certain I saw
You rush up the driveway, holding
My breath until you disappeared.
Without air I would have you
One day, you would love me.
You told me
Ten years later
You feared sneaking a breath
From the moment you shouldered
Your backpack until the front
Door slammed behind. Holding
Our breath, together, our lungs straining,
How I wanted everything
Those fall and summer days, disappearing
Behind the maple leaves in your front yard,
You held your breath longer
Maple trees have come between us again
But now I continue running for my front door,
Already out of your sight.
Dec. 28, 2000

Blanket

I'm working backward
Through a mission of suspense
And worry
Undaunted, I return again without
Repercussion
You missed the point
And without it, there is none
I chew my cuticles to remove
The memory
Sometimes the restlessness
Subsides
But I recollect that you don't
Covet me more than he
or if so, let it become your priority
secure my affection
Dec. 2000

Crazy

Crazy
wow. I wanted you to be here with me, watching words swim and colors mesh into each other
I can't decide if I want food or sleep or you
And from somewhere that just came
None of this seems poetic
Listless again, or does that give too much away?
And for the first time I'm feeling the keys beneath my fingers
Why do I always want things to get over?
Why do I not ponder them and savor them
Now-and it's gone

If I don't write these things down they will be erased by tomorrow
Nov. 2000

Old Friends

Blonde for them with sunlight
Brunette beneath awaiting closure
Exchange internecine smiles
Shrink from lese-mageste exposure

My mind, lost in hair, fraught with rare
Thoughts of our past where you cried
Touching my lips with fingertips
For comfort before your soul died.

I awaited your return. Did you know?
I carried great concern. Then I forgot
Those tears and lips and hair with blonde.
I became you, or your memory brought
from my past.

Aug. 18, 2000

Work Day

battered reality from air conditioned confines
increasingly humid, time passes, defines
space divided with plastic conformed
after within mirrors the ground when stormed
trampled silently, bored and restlessly fit
skull spinning from screen to chair where sits
the friendly of me, the weak and demure
waiting for that of hard work to assure
June 5, 2000

True Love

Sweaty sheets entangle her
Pantiless figure without protecting
From the immodest pierce of
Eyes angled from the bathroom
Mirror

Matted hair entangles her thoughts
Within a bronzed-better version
Of self without shameful squirm,
From his touch, away and detached,
Numb

Bedside table Bible entangles moral
Character denying room 215
With a dim light bulb and
Cigarette burns on the quilt
Where, on top of her, he grunts
March 14, 2000

Playwright

Pulling away from the foreground
Temping with beer and freetime
Release the bond, watch the trap lapse
Flinch, to fear a recurrence
Or deterrence
Deflect my devotion, emotionless,
Shun indecisive commotion
Where I, aimless,
Wrestle, settle and lunge
Only to begin again
Backward to the bluescreen I
Accepted with sinister faith
I watch my blocked movements
Scripted, painless
Ponder what that clue meant-
When you fell in love
The stage kiss caused a stir of truth
March 14, 2000

Hospital

Decapitation seems a fitting thing for a day like today
Children without a mother and a guy without a finger
And that bitch tells me he needs to grow up-
No, you need some compassion, lady, a heart transplant
At least you took his blood pressure to tell us everything we already know
Sorry, Karen Davis is no longer here, she left hours ago
Like he did last night
And just like his dad in a lawsuit over this same shit
I'm bored or angry or enlightened
I should hurt myself to gain full access
Preying on the injured and unhappy- at least now you have a pamphlet
And I'm directly cut off from the world in this bomb shelter of suffering
I'm still hungry
March 5, 2000

Mind Time

Ticking quieted,
Harsh time has stopped.
Inspiration lessened
As the balloon, fear, popped.

Sensation maximized
Unless hands are forgotten.
Moving circular
Against those who fought an

Enemy of the mental
Projection of me.
Without who I hope
To sufferers set free.

The possibility possible,
With loss lost.
I may want Time back
Despite the pain cost.
Feb. 29, 2000