Ninety-Nine Cent Faith

Burlap memories of us
Wrap that candle in 99 cent
Paper towel.
Tread heavily
And drop into the crate
I'll stay
I reach for your wrist and
Tell you I'll stay
But you won't


Best myself with bottles
Unopened. Open them not
To face base circumstance.
Recognition of saints
I was once your icon
But all those devout have more
Than one, don't they?

Godliness
Holiness
Cleanliness of our bedroom
Kept that way for you

Holiness
Cleanliness
Sparseness of my bedroom
This way without you
Vacant, steadfast in my love.
Nov. 29, 2001

Media Evolution

be weary of a poetry
of graphic details
words like public displays
of affection
[we all know I don't stand
for PDA]
multiplayer game
warp me into a new
player with nine lives each for a
new man

intellectual banter over
the newest sonnet
and we all know they're
about love-mush
thesaurus entry on me
a made for TV epic autobiography
they even used my Ex
Nov. 29, 2001

Solitary, Communal

Lucky me
Benign temperament
And erratic foe
Belching a form of hopeful insanity
Into the hearts of most of us
Waiting
Until the saved and saver
Vanishes
Biased, limited
Potential of many
Human drama which relies on the
Personal.
Autobiography of challenge
Jarring free the larger scope
Working list of contrast
And stop speaking for the whole
Nov. 28, 2001

eXceed eXpectation X

I didn't expect an embrace.
Faces close and moonlit through
Cheap blinds.
Suffering from streetlights, urban clutch
Your roll toward me with shy confidence,
Formed from previous intoxicated
Phone call when I wanted you and
Your lips.
Grasp my shoulder, my neck
Pull me closer where I feel your breath,
And want and strength.
Intelligent caress: surprise me with your
Warmth, intent
Lull me with your brief sigh as our lips
Meet but brush apart.
More tension than can be contained in
A kiss.
Drag your lips across mine once more
Lose control and press them and
Your body to mine.
Fade into your solvent of indecisive
Jerking advances.
We both want what we can have
And that is the problem.
Our lips meet again, searching, finding
Nothing more than themselves and
The other, and wanting the other
More than life.
Sex through breath, and intercourse
In the movement of our clothed
Hips, while our lips meld and wane.
I want so much that so little is too
Much.
Convulse back to passionate press
Of mouths to satisfy a small part
Of the bottomless pool begun by
Your kiss.
Nov. 27, 2001

First Time

Primal and arcane
Thoroughly thick and damp
Articulate with rough fingertips
Beads form on your forehead
Melt away
Your eyelashes savor my cheek
With a brief sigh.
The palm of your hand haunts me,
Hard against my pelvis, softer
Against my ribs.
My mouth deceptively grazes your
Jaw.
Erratic, lurching, fearful, searching
Fingernails in my hair, trail my
Veins lower to spine.
Resting there I release to catch your
Pupils study my lips.
And for the first time yours meet mine
Your palm presses my neck, arched
Toward yours.
Primal and arcane
The incense of your body
The radiance of this kiss.
Nov. 20, 2001

Engagement

Retched, torn
Rend heart from base
Drive in the news to my aorta
Ring on her finger-out of my
Life, leave me now
Left long before, finalize
The direction we have taken
Believe now, understand, awaken
Lustful breath toward the
Ceremony where you take her
Hand, take my heart
Adorn hers, crush mine
Canker my wishes of us whittled
To friendship I pine
Cancer of the love I have for you
Your response dies as it grows
Pipedream where we are what
We were
Invite your future life with an
Invitation to me
Please
July 25, 2001

Forced Poetry

Arcane glimpse of future
Without present pain
I hid it all away. First physical remnants of hope, memory
Then memories of memory and hopes of hope
You returned. Eyes smirking, see through every inch of me
The me who changed returned. Eyes watering with recognition
New, old emotion with hi. Search smirking eyes for more
Than conquest. Chicks on the weekends. Me.
You force me into poetry. Succinct words to mask garbled
Considerations.

I told you about it when we walked to the car.
I only write unhappily.
July 23, 2001

Shower

I remove my underwear
Step into the bathtub without
Turning on the water
Pass judgment on the grout
And cracked ceiling tiles
Showered in remorse, suds
My hair with memories
Your touch washes over my
Thigh and I wonder what
You ponder -- do you sit in
Your bath curling your
Toes around the faucet?
Thinking of me? Caress
The waxiness of soap bar
In the tray with my knee
The rubber band entangling
My hair caught by my
Fingers, pull, loosen my
Mind, loosen my grip on
The porcelain to slide down
Toes on the faucet until
Cold water begins to cover
My body -- wash you away.
May 29, 2001

Satisfied

Peripheral vision shrivels each time
I look at you
Appreciate the paucity of longing
For another
And beat my fists against no
Further doors
Paperbag syndrome for no one
But you
Prefer you without it anyway
To overlook and undress
For you
To downplay and upbraid
Your insecurities
Secure
Happy
As I'll ever be
May 24, 2001

I do

Flawed, like the half carat he nudged toward me
In the restaurant across town
And blistered like the woman's collagen-swollen lips
At the salon that painted my nails
With a French manicure and fake expense,
I found my future.
My dress from Penny's where I splurged on plastic pearls
For my hungry neck.
I'll walk down the aisle to him,
The cheapest example of true love.
May 21, 2001

Operation

Yesterday she made an incision
Under the soft breast tissue, between two
Slight ribs, into the aorta
Twisted it there to experience the searing
Anxiety with the rush of blood loss and power
Accepted the pain like tattoos with
Satisfaction and blood that must be wiped away.
Piercings rarely bled gratifying her less
Like the men who approach her frailty with
expectation

She was a child who spun on the playground
Arms outstretched grasping for the wind,
Eyes wide to the clouds, ignoring the dizziness
To appreciate the same utopian euphoria she
Finds in Extasy on her chipboard dresser or
Ecstasy of a man's desire on her bedroom rug
Beneath the sweating body of her latest fuck

No further than the freefall to the playground
From the lurching empty swing. Once in a while
These things all make you bleed. She might
Drink her blood or her next-door neighbor's if
Her stomach was not so weak. A vampiress
To the core with scalpel and happy childhood
Memory of natural highs long lost like natural
Eye color or given name.
April 25, 2001

Caged

You gnaw away everything valuable to me
Thoughts, possessions, borrowed items
I don't regret you
You value my constancy and provisions
I welcome your brief warmth
April 22, 2001

Goslings

Power failure over something less
Personal failure in the wild
Mother and father herd them to the water
They only drink when told
Water's clear, manmade
The bugs ignore, skirt the shade
Skim the water to the mother and father
Who entertain better than computer could
That's what I want
In the shade
In the wild where goose families laid
Between the cracks, away from work, getting paid
Incognito, brandishing facts
To scratch on glass with refined detail
Burned blistered by mellow April sun of disappointment
April 15, 2001

And Cheese

Brandishing tin weapons with dull points
Spoons or knitting needles
To poke the truths from holes
In the strainer recently emptied of macaroni
Or maybe the conversations in bed at night
Requesting a new game every time we hypothesize
Out of hypocrisy
And know we'll lose

Scalded by false pretenses with true postenses
Dropped on the floor, splattered on the wall
Sticking because they're done
Just right

Scalded by steam from the smallest pot I own,
With no handle
Convinced it won't hinder me, ignore the sting
Accept the stink of your garbage disposal words
All wrong

We're not having dinner tonight
Or maybe ever again
March, 2001