Another Tramp

Forever the other woman,
My nerves are a straw wrapper
Tied in a knot and snapped in two,
The knot always on the left.
For I have had many of them
Despite children, wives
I have listened and supported and
Flailed wildly.
Two hours of mock commitment
At a time,
Bastard child of lust and validation
She never made me feel this
Way, he tells me.
Despite morals and doubts each
Finds me again or maybe a
New broken home will lie
Between my shaking thighs,
How do they find me
Pursue with blind, playful
Confidence, whether he
Offers the unrealistic or
Pounces with earnest truth of
No future between us.
Somewhere along the line
I gave in and each time
It is a little easier,
Like a teenager unable to
Taste the vodka in her third stiff drink.
I may be happy but this lipstick
Stained collar is
Not happiness.

June 18, 03

Face reality

To wake from a dream
Where I dreamt of flying
Is like trying to jump
After getting off a trampoline
The real world crashes down
Upon me every morning
Begin to avoid sleep to avoid
A false reality more appealing
Than the waking moments
Which haunt me in comparison

I fail to catch my breath, base
Decisions on this waking prison
Live my life after dark to mimic
Subconscious thought
Feel as I whirl in daylight, arms outstretched,
That nothing whizzing by my eyes
Exists, for I cannot focus
I do not want to

Last night I laid in your strong
Arms again, last night
I danced unabashedly, last night
I soared over the treetops
I loved I lived I laughed

Then I woke.

June 15, 03