Fixed Food License

investors, and build outs and late nights, oh my!
reality still feels unreal, like someone i'll never see again

health inspections and construction and r&d for products
itching for it to be over before it even begins

investment in futures
our children's futures
dreamed big but rarely
now's the time

and this is our one chance.
failure is not an option.
go big or go home.
insert cliche here.

i sit here
stare at the monitor
watch his little fingers move
think about the day

take him on trips
add a playroom
visit the arcadia house we build
send him to study abroad
pay for his college
encourage his many endeavors

and, eventually,
teach him about our business.

10 days
we'll know
not how big or how successful
IF it works, HOW it works
an idea what our lives will be

of course i'm scared
weekends tied to the business
no more family time
making ends meet
liability and reputation
employees to trust with our livelihood
levels of stress
amounts in bank accounts

scared of no net, no break, no backup plan.

but i'm excited.

Placeholder for 2011

in 2011 we

bought a house
fixed up a house to rent
had a baby
found out dad had cancer
quit a job
lost a job
started a business
went to vegas

had no time to write poetry

American Dream

You hear good things
Decide, right then, that minute,
purchase it. The dream

Used to mean impulsive,
These days
I typically,
at that given moment, buy
and then have it shipped
As a gift to myself
Right to my city
Down the block

These plans are all well and good
until an indefinite backorder
That's the way it works, duh.
I drove to my first instinct.
Assessed next typical avenue
ordered a pre-approval and it tells me,
this is backordered, are you sure?

And I say, well, no
I guess I'll find it elsewhere
Cancel my order a few days
unavailable
Find a random little solution
Order it from there
A couple days later,
we'll refund your money.

Time is running out
I need this dream asap.
Aware shipping time is not my friend,
checked today
I gave in.

Didn’t want to buy a damn substitution
Fake solution
Shadow of a dream
A home from the dollar-bin
But I gave in.

Then you ask, what's so bad about
What you already have?
A strong impetus towards architecture.
Physical comfort.
Home.

I want a library one day.
Memories hiding under the covers
A smell and feel.
Care that goes into decorating
Organizing closets
Walls large enough to hold wedding photos
Dropping salts into the whirlpool bathtub
Sleeping with cats all night.

Wait. That’s becoming what I already have
Near the neighborhood used bookstore
With 770 square feet
One bath
No closets

The dream is pretty much these things.
The format leaves MUCH to be desired.
The pictures on the wall out of alignment
Typos, corrections, liens and debts interfere.
It could be because
I want better for them -
them who are only DNA for now -
regardless of the medium.

Never puttin it all out there

10:15 AM
The ax falls
The commercial phone cord entwines my fingers
hair on my neck stands up
pulled toward the outside, freedom

Jumping jacks
face the facts
fat forever, thin within
This isn't the life I was supposed to be in

4:30 PM
An error occurs
Keyboard strokes click pain to my eardrum
Start over and hope for better results
Press save twice, three times

Jumping jacks
face the facts
fat forever, thin within
This isn't the life I was supposed to be in

9:20 AM
Couched meaning
A stack of papers and impending papercuts
Highlighting details, my favorite word
Again and Again and Again

Jumping jacks
face the facts
fat forever, thin within
This isn't the life I was supposed to be in

7:40 PM
Sneaky search
Best foot forward on a slow laptop
Maybe someday...
That's all I can say

Jumping jacks
face the facts
fat forever, thin within
This isn't the life I was supposed to be in

Tuning Quinn - my (first) complete novel!

Hi all! Hopefully none of you think I'm completely nuts (I may be...) but I would like to start posting chapters of the (rough draft) of the young adult novel I just finished. I would love it if anyone is interested in reading it, and better yet giving me feedback... hopefully you actually ENJOY it. :)

Here it is: http://tuningquinn.blogspot.com/

After the coma

Give me a quick tipsy hug
Tell me I'll be right here
if you need help
Four hands are better than two
Two heads are better than one
Whatever the math is
She giggled as I kissed her cheek
Left her there watching the lake

Drive to hospital forever
Even with glass of wine
in my veins
Nerves like an old sweater,
unravelling at the edges
headache coming on
I pull to side of highway
Focus on mounting pain

No, not a vision headache
My temple didn't ache
and it just didn't seem epic enough
Psyching myself out
Letting the stress get to me

You can handle this
She's going to be fine

I popped a couple aspirin
from gracious glove compartment
pulled back on to the road
Almost couldn't believe I made it
Without throwing up

Lyrics Fated

Lyrics fated to watch me burn
All skin peeled back from my fingers
Write feverish prose like an intern
6 months of fabled progress
31 years of pooled thought
It all pours through to try to impress
Although me is whose mind I've caught
Lackluster the words stand
to have some side
Or ferocious the words hang
upon my pride
Project declared to give point to existence
The words in my possession sour
if I cannot find time, lack persistance,
let them all fade away