Goodbye.

my body feels this strange warmth right now...
the kind you feel when you know someone is staring at you
even though i know you aren't behind me
this calm has come over me
as if i could burst and everything would just gush out
but maybe that can't happen without an audience...
why would one cry except because someone is watching?
that's how i feel sometimes...
as if it would be a waste to show emotion
to no one
i think i'm sinking into the cushion of my chair
i can't feel anything around me anymore except this chair
and my heartbeat
detached and restless, not like this calm cradling me
i hope i break simply to wash you away
dammit. why don't i want to release you?
this is my dead end where you left me
Aug 21, 1998